It’s the most important election since voters chose a new crayon color, and everyone is wondering who will win come November. While most news outlets are turning to self-proclaimed “experts” with degrees from big kid schools, those truly in the know are looking to the source of all things wise and good for their predictions—babies.
Yes babies. While they may not know how to roll over, use the potty, or conduct scientifically accurate nationwide polling, they sure are cute. And cuteness beats facts any day. In a poll I conducted of fellow chubby cheeked diaper wearers, a clear consensus on who will win the election was quickly reached. Rather than explain our prediction, I present transcripts of our discussion in full:
“Bee boo goo li li goo ga ga ploop ploop. Hee la grrgl grrgl aha momma momma ti ti. Ahhhah ti lagoo gooaga up up up. Pshshs ga goo goo ga ga, goolala goo. Bop bop bidoo bidoopi ta, ti la; googa gala. Bollida do! Momma dadda tum tum goo goo.”
A bold prediction indeed.
But as everyone eagerly awaits the results of the election this November, many are also anticipating the opening of the new University of Iowa Stead Family Children’s Hospital in early 2017. As Iowa’s only nationally ranked children’s hospital, featuring experts from every pediatric specialty all under one roof, the new hospital promises to give kids the very best care as they recuperate from an election they’ll never forget.
Built from the ground up to cater to the unique needs of children, the new hospital features an interactive theater where kids can watch their favorite movies (or indistinct blobs of color, as I like to call them) and where they’ll never have to watch a political ad.
And now I’m voting for a nap.